I was drawn into a room with someone who I thought was being a friend. I was feeling lonely and left out more than ever during the 6th grade campout. She appeared to be really trying to help me. There were lots of questions that transitioned into what seemed like her helping me come up with solutions to my issue.
However I was mistaken. Come to find out that as I was baring my soul out to this person, as well as all of the females in the 6th grade class. They were hiding in different places and listening to the whole conversation. She was in on it.
When the conversation had come to an end, I was stunned to see the girls pop out of their hiding spots. They all said, “Terra, we like you,” as they giggled and ran out of the room.
I was not only mortified, I was hurt. Not only had people gone through my things, exposed the film in my camera, and put toothpaste in my pillow, but they also got to laugh at me at my expense.
This was the nail on the coffin when it came to trusting anyone outside of my immediate family.
It was also the deeper spiral to feeling more alone than ever! Being surrounded by people yet never quite feeling like I belong.
This day, among others that year, truly defined for me that among 60ish students, no one was interested in including me, people were laughing at me, and I was never good enough.
It carried on with me into my adult life as well.
Feeling like I was just a pulse in the room rather than a person worthy of honest relationships or respect. No matter how much good I did, or care and support I would provide, others were more reputable.
It is this feeling that creates a lot of stress for me in my life. The isolation in the crowd. Feeling unseen, unessential, and unlikeable.
It is easy to tell someone to get over these moments in their life. They were young girls, they had no idea what they were doing. However, it is much like the tube of toothpaste or wadded up paper activities you see being done in school these days. People can try and smooth it over, but the impact or damage is done.
What I had control over in all of this was how I handled it. To be honest, I did not handle it well. I tried burying it pretending it did not hurt me.
Since I chose to bury this pain, I unknowingly allowed that day to affect the way I viewed people and responding to things in life.
At 43, I am still healing from this pain I pushed down so deep. Not only mentally, but physically as well. This is what happens when you do not allow yourself to feel and process the things that happen to us.
If this is resonating with you, I wrote more about the effects of this day on friendships and relationships I had over the years and the journey to trusting others again. My story is featured in the book The Truth About Finding Joy In The Darkness. This story is just one of 19 in this book collaboration. Many of these stories echo various pain points that you may relate to as well. Stories that show us all that while we have dark and painful moments in our life, it is how we utilize them to overcome them that can bring us out into the light.
Hoping you can work through your dark times to find the joy you deserve,
6th grade was a rough year for me. On top of many things, it was the first time I was called fat!
I had a friend talking about how she weighed 97 pounds. Just as luck would have it, so did I. Of course, I thought it was cool that we both weighed the same. I naturally chimed in saying “me too!”
I will never forget the gut punch that came over me when my “friend” told me that her 97 pounds is “all muscle, and your’s is all fat.” This was the beginning of my frustration with my body and resentment with why I could not look like everyone else.
By the way...I did not realize that I was “fat” back then, but this comment helped set the wheels in motion to my love/hate relationship with food and my body.
Naturally this was not the only change with my body at that time, I also joined the womanhood so to speak. Thus began the slowly evolving presence of my PCOS diagnosis.
I carried this frustration and resentment for my body with me for many years. (I still have moments of it to this day if we are being honest). However it was this frustration that led me to seeking help.
Being able to put a name to why I was heavier than most of my peers was helpful for a while. I did what I was told for many years. Take the pills, change to whole wheat, and try to lose some of that weight.
This game plan was still leading me down the frustration alley. I knew there was more to this PCOS than just take these pills and losing some weight. Though my old physician was on to something...making food changes, though I learned later that this specific change needed to be something more.
While you may believe we are going to dive into food and PCOS...I am here to talk more about resentment and frustration. They can be either a sword we continue to use on ourselves...trying to force ourselves into a box and make it work or we have an opportunity to listen to it and create a path towards feeling more satisfied in life.
You have got to sit with it...the frustration and resentment. I talk more about what that looks like here:
When we do those things in the video, you will begin to notice doors opening. The people, the resources, the opportunities, they begin to show up.
Does this sound crazy? Maybe...maybe not. What I do know is that it does work!
Instead of being mad that I cannot eat like my peers, I found a way to eat that both serves me and that I enjoy. Instead of wishing I could wear that outfit, I have found a style that makes me feel comfortable and is fun. Instead of being upset about my body figure, I have found ways to see it as an asset.
Now this is just the beginning. We have more to this journey...click on this next blog to keep see how this journey works out in our favor.
If you have decided to utilize your frustration and resentment with food to your greater good, the Thriving with PCOS community is a great resource for you, if you so choose. We are walking through the journey I took in discovering the specific changes that were necessary for me to begin to see my way past food and body frustration and resentment.
Wishing you peace in your frustration and resentment,
“Choose Happiness”...when I used to see that phrase in my former life, my reaction was so much different than what it is today!
I am curious, does happiness feel like a choice to you? In today’s day and age, it may not always feel that way.
For some, happiness is a mask they wear to hide behind. Some believe happiness is a fake concept. Others...well...they are really just that happy.
It is such an old fashioned concept, happiness. It seems like it is so rarely discussed anymore.
The news media does not talk about it. Most work environments talk about anything but happiness.
Happiness has become a vague notion anyways...what does it really mean?
Here is what I know for sure...happiness is not something you find or that other people give you. Instead, it is something that you choose on your own.
Making small changes like being grateful...this creates the shift in your outlook.
You can wake up everyday and live your life, or you can wake up everyday and let life happen to you. Whether you drive the bus or ride the bus (like in the book The Energy Bus) it is always your choice.
I have chosen gratitude, and it has helped give me a new perspective on life today...as well as the future. The first place I started to grow in more gratitude...write it down!
More about that here in this video
Putting this into practice helped me change my focus. Instead of seeing all of the bad, I started to see so much more of the good in my life. That good, even the small stuff was huge in my daily outlook of life.
I am now content with what I have, while also reaching for growth.
Being balanced and growing...that is real happiness to me!
Do you like the concept of having more happiness and balance in your life? Oola coaching has been an epic tool to help me get there. It is an ever growing journey that I could not be more grateful for!
If you are walking in a life of fear, resentment, and anger like I was, let’s see if this is a good fit for you. The best place is to start with this guide on Oola. Then let’s chat.
As always, life is about choices and what works best for you. So it is up to you what your next steps are.
When I was a little girl, what I dreamed of for my life was not where I am at. I believe many of us would agree with that feeling.
I mean, no one dreams of having a chronic medical condition that affects your fertility as well as your overall health. No one dreams of day jobs that are crazy and have no boundaries. No one dreams of being alone or having poor relationships with others.
So what did I dream about exactly?
I dreamed about making a difference in people’s lives. Helping them get to that place of ah ha and action. Giving them the tools for success and seeing them flourish.
So when you desire to create such things for others, you must first create these things for yourself.
Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their path to the lifestyle they want, working with a coach is at the top of the list.
I came upon a program called Oola. It has helped me find clarity and action not only in my life, but the lives of more than a million people around the world.
What is Oola? It’s living a balanced life in our unbalanced world. With vibrant good health, equally healthy finances, family and friends who support you, fun times, and a career or calling that inspires you every day.
And now, I have followed through on that nudge to help people get their own OolaLife . . . whatever defines it for you.
Take a look at every area of your life. Ask yourself, “Where can I improve? Where do I need to calm the overwhelm?”
Overwhelming debt, marriages on life support, time sucks that leave no room for family, friends, or fun....these are what our modern-day culture has brought us to. And it all adds up to over-scheduled and overworked lives that are out of balance.
All of which equates to stress, and no PCOS woman (or anyone for that matter) needs more stress triggers in their life!
Luckily, there’s a solution.
This 7-step formula, based on the bestselling book series, Oola: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World, is one I use because it is designed to quickly lower stress and make space for a life of purpose, success and satisfaction in these areas: fitness, finances, family, field (career) , faith, friends and fun.
Achieving a life of contentment, vibrant good health, ample finances, and supportive relationships is what I endeavor to help women create in their life. If this sounds like something you are ready to create for yourself, then grab my guide to determine if Oola is the right path for you.
As the Oola Guys say, “Be Grateful, Have Faith, and Go Get Your Oola Life!”
So many women do this. So PCOS women are no exception!
My (PCOS) belly is so big. I hate the way my arm jiggle. I hate how big my thighs are.
I have been right there with you. Above are just a couple of my least favorite things about my body actually.
We cannot help ourselves. We have literally been taught by other women to judge our bodies in some way shape or form. We have also been taught to obsess over it.
I mean why else would women around the world choose to have cosmetic surgeries!
This has to end here and now!
I was presenting in a group on facebook about Intuitive eating as part of a mini-series we are doing in there. I honestly did not realize how much I was practicing many of these things already.
I talk about the rules of Intuitive eating here for those that are curious
In those rules, there is one key piece that really hit me hard...Respect Your Body!
What this means in the world of Intuitive Eating is love your body!
Love the way it works. Love what it is capable of. Love something in the way that it looks.
Ladies there has to be something you love about your body!
My challenge for you, figure that 1 thing that you love about your body. It can be anything. Your eyes, your smile, your ability to push things with your strong legs...just pick something.
Spend more time focusing on what you love than what you are unhappy with. I promise you that this will change so much for you over time.
No one can love you better than yourself! Until you learn to love yourself, you will continue to live in a space that is full of dislike and distrust.
Above are just a few things that I love about my body. If you are brave, share with me in the comments what you love about your body.