I was drawn into a room with someone who I thought was being a friend. I was feeling lonely and left out more than ever during the 6th grade campout. She appeared to be really trying to help me. There were lots of questions that transitioned into what seemed like her helping me come up with solutions to my issue.
However I was mistaken. Come to find out that as I was baring my soul out to this person, as well as all of the females in the 6th grade class. They were hiding in different places and listening to the whole conversation. She was in on it.
When the conversation had come to an end, I was stunned to see the girls pop out of their hiding spots. They all said, “Terra, we like you,” as they giggled and ran out of the room.
I was not only mortified, I was hurt. Not only had people gone through my things, exposed the film in my camera, and put toothpaste in my pillow, but they also got to laugh at me at my expense.
This was the nail on the coffin when it came to trusting anyone outside of my immediate family.
It was also the deeper spiral to feeling more alone than ever! Being surrounded by people yet never quite feeling like I belong.
This day, among others that year, truly defined for me that among 60ish students, no one was interested in including me, people were laughing at me, and I was never good enough.
It carried on with me into my adult life as well.
Feeling like I was just a pulse in the room rather than a person worthy of honest relationships or respect. No matter how much good I did, or care and support I would provide, others were more reputable.
It is this feeling that creates a lot of stress for me in my life. The isolation in the crowd. Feeling unseen, unessential, and unlikeable.
It is easy to tell someone to get over these moments in their life. They were young girls, they had no idea what they were doing. However, it is much like the tube of toothpaste or wadded up paper activities you see being done in school these days. People can try and smooth it over, but the impact or damage is done.
What I had control over in all of this was how I handled it. To be honest, I did not handle it well. I tried burying it pretending it did not hurt me.
Since I chose to bury this pain, I unknowingly allowed that day to affect the way I viewed people and responding to things in life.
At 43, I am still healing from this pain I pushed down so deep. Not only mentally, but physically as well. This is what happens when you do not allow yourself to feel and process the things that happen to us.
If this is resonating with you, I wrote more about the effects of this day on friendships and relationships I had over the years and the journey to trusting others again. My story is featured in the book The Truth About Finding Joy In The Darkness. This story is just one of 19 in this book collaboration. Many of these stories echo various pain points that you may relate to as well. Stories that show us all that while we have dark and painful moments in our life, it is how we utilize them to overcome them that can bring us out into the light.
Hoping you can work through your dark times to find the joy you deserve,
6th grade was a rough year for me. On top of many things, it was the first time I was called fat!
I had a friend talking about how she weighed 97 pounds. Just as luck would have it, so did I. Of course, I thought it was cool that we both weighed the same. I naturally chimed in saying “me too!”
I will never forget the gut punch that came over me when my “friend” told me that her 97 pounds is “all muscle, and your’s is all fat.” This was the beginning of my frustration with my body and resentment with why I could not look like everyone else.
By the way...I did not realize that I was “fat” back then, but this comment helped set the wheels in motion to my love/hate relationship with food and my body.
Naturally this was not the only change with my body at that time, I also joined the womanhood so to speak. Thus began the slowly evolving presence of my PCOS diagnosis.
I carried this frustration and resentment for my body with me for many years. (I still have moments of it to this day if we are being honest). However it was this frustration that led me to seeking help.
Being able to put a name to why I was heavier than most of my peers was helpful for a while. I did what I was told for many years. Take the pills, change to whole wheat, and try to lose some of that weight.
This game plan was still leading me down the frustration alley. I knew there was more to this PCOS than just take these pills and losing some weight. Though my old physician was on to something...making food changes, though I learned later that this specific change needed to be something more.
While you may believe we are going to dive into food and PCOS...I am here to talk more about resentment and frustration. They can be either a sword we continue to use on ourselves...trying to force ourselves into a box and make it work or we have an opportunity to listen to it and create a path towards feeling more satisfied in life.
You have got to sit with it...the frustration and resentment. I talk more about what that looks like here:
When we do those things in the video, you will begin to notice doors opening. The people, the resources, the opportunities, they begin to show up.
Does this sound crazy? Maybe...maybe not. What I do know is that it does work!
Instead of being mad that I cannot eat like my peers, I found a way to eat that both serves me and that I enjoy. Instead of wishing I could wear that outfit, I have found a style that makes me feel comfortable and is fun. Instead of being upset about my body figure, I have found ways to see it as an asset.
Now this is just the beginning. We have more to this journey...click on this next blog to keep see how this journey works out in our favor.
If you have decided to utilize your frustration and resentment with food to your greater good, the Thriving with PCOS community is a great resource for you, if you so choose. We are walking through the journey I took in discovering the specific changes that were necessary for me to begin to see my way past food and body frustration and resentment.
Wishing you peace in your frustration and resentment,
As a PCOS woman, sometimes I find it hard to keep my promises to myself. Usually it has to do with wanting that easy button. Less cooking, less dishes, more time with family and doing things I am passionate about.
While I love to cook, I am not always inspired to do it.
This is where, for me, food becomes not bad or good, but just frustrating.
I know I have food sensitivities. I have a balance of indulging and eating to feel good that is necessary to keeping my sanity and my hormones balanced. Eating to feel good is not always easy for me. I feel like most PCOS women can relate to this.
I really do love salads...they are quick and easy. Though I also really love pizza. While I have discovered the art of the pizza bowl, I do not always want to make the pizza bowl (with goat, buffalo, or sheep cheese because cow dairy and I are not friends).
So naturally moving our family and developing a business has led to further frustration with food. I have gotten myself all out of whack.
What is funny is that I teach people to do what has helped me, but of course I am in a season of getting myself back on track. Putting my promises to myself before the convenience in life has never been more challenging. I have never had to learn this lesson before and it is hard.
I do not resent nor am I mad at how off balance I got myself...I really enjoyed that food and savored it. However I am frustrated with the lack of ease this has been for me this time around to get back on track. It has been more work than I would like for it to be.
Though it is important for me to show up and work through this phase. Not just for others, but for myself.
Building integrity is important. What does integrity have to do with this? Integrity is more than something you are characterized by others. This video will fill this in for you.
As you can see, keeping our promises to ourselves is so much more than we give it credit for. It is easy for us to put the needs of others or in my case, the ease above doing the more challenging things.
Can you relate with this? Does food frustrate you because you wish there was an easy button?
I cannot promise that addressing your food balance will be easy, but I sure can tell you that there is a place where you can find support, encouragement, and tools to help you pivot to develop a healthier relationship with food. So if you like or relate with what you just read, come join the journey in the Thriving with PCOS community.
Finding ways to enjoy your relationship with food while also addressing what our bodies are telling us is so important. You are allowed to enjoy food while also respecting what your symptoms are telling you. It is possible to have both.
Wishing you food enjoyment and nourishment,
I talk about living a life of balance, when in fact, my life was not in this place either. I believed in this so much that I even went through great links to become a certified coach to help others.
I finally did it and I did it scared. I ripped off the security blanket that was keeping me safe but unbalanced nonetheless. No wonder my hormones were always unbalanced in a major way. Which is not good for someone working so hard to balance them.
I really thought if I worked on balancing all but one area, I would be alright. Though it was bringing on resentment and frustration for me.
What I did not realize is that to change my life (and my health) I really needed to change my life. If my goal was to inspire others to live a life that fulfilled them, I needed to do the same thing. Inspire by living what you teach.
So how was this done? By dreaming again. Breaking down my dreams into goals. Creating action that makes my goals happen and gets me closer to making that dream a reality.
Does that sound like a fairytale?
I am sure it does, but it does not have to be!
One place to start is to look at it from the view of priorities. We have so many of them. I talk more about priorities and how to simplify them here in this video:
For me, this was the part I was getting conflicted on. I had so many priorities, and I was showing up poorly.
I was resenting my day job because the schedule was ever changing. I resented being a mom (which I wanted to be all of my life) because I needed to make sure he was cared for while I was at work. I never felt like I was doing anything well.
When life gave us a new opportunity, I began doing the normal job search in the traditional setting for my profession.
It was a video that talked about giving up good for great that helped me realize that it was time. Time to work through my fear of losing security.
I came up with the action steps to see if we could live a secure life without throwing life back off balance. We discussed it as a family, it appeared to look like we could pull this off.
I made the steps so clear and created accountability around them, that when I was presented with an opportunity in a non-traditional setting for my profession, I cried. I felt conflicted again.
Luckily, my accountability sources reminded me we would be okay and gave me the blessing I needed from an outside source to create the life of balance I always dreamt of.
If I would have had goals with no clear actions, I would have been on a random road. Nothing to aim for. I would have taken that job. I would have returned to the resentment, it just would have looked different.
So I encourage you, if you are unhappy with where you are at, take a moment to dream. See where that leads you.
It is time to dream again and start living life by your design!
When you are ready to turn those dreams into action, there is a framework out there to help you get there. It comes with an amazing community and support from me and many others.
Looking forward to seeing live by your design,
When I was a little girl, what I dreamed of for my life was not where I am at. I believe many of us would agree with that feeling.
I mean, no one dreams of having a chronic medical condition that affects your fertility as well as your overall health. No one dreams of day jobs that are crazy and have no boundaries. No one dreams of being alone or having poor relationships with others.
So what did I dream about exactly?
I dreamed about making a difference in people’s lives. Helping them get to that place of ah ha and action. Giving them the tools for success and seeing them flourish.
So when you desire to create such things for others, you must first create these things for yourself.
Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their path to the lifestyle they want, working with a coach is at the top of the list.
I came upon a program called Oola. It has helped me find clarity and action not only in my life, but the lives of more than a million people around the world.
What is Oola? It’s living a balanced life in our unbalanced world. With vibrant good health, equally healthy finances, family and friends who support you, fun times, and a career or calling that inspires you every day.
And now, I have followed through on that nudge to help people get their own OolaLife . . . whatever defines it for you.
Take a look at every area of your life. Ask yourself, “Where can I improve? Where do I need to calm the overwhelm?”
Overwhelming debt, marriages on life support, time sucks that leave no room for family, friends, or fun....these are what our modern-day culture has brought us to. And it all adds up to over-scheduled and overworked lives that are out of balance.
All of which equates to stress, and no PCOS woman (or anyone for that matter) needs more stress triggers in their life!
Luckily, there’s a solution.
This 7-step formula, based on the bestselling book series, Oola: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World, is one I use because it is designed to quickly lower stress and make space for a life of purpose, success and satisfaction in these areas: fitness, finances, family, field (career) , faith, friends and fun.
Achieving a life of contentment, vibrant good health, ample finances, and supportive relationships is what I endeavor to help women create in their life. If this sounds like something you are ready to create for yourself, then grab my guide to determine if Oola is the right path for you.
As the Oola Guys say, “Be Grateful, Have Faith, and Go Get Your Oola Life!”