6th grade was a rough year for me. On top of many things, it was the first time I was called fat!
I had a friend talking about how she weighed 97 pounds. Just as luck would have it, so did I. Of course, I thought it was cool that we both weighed the same. I naturally chimed in saying “me too!”
I will never forget the gut punch that came over me when my “friend” told me that her 97 pounds is “all muscle, and your’s is all fat.” This was the beginning of my frustration with my body and resentment with why I could not look like everyone else.
By the way...I did not realize that I was “fat” back then, but this comment helped set the wheels in motion to my love/hate relationship with food and my body.
Naturally this was not the only change with my body at that time, I also joined the womanhood so to speak. Thus began the slowly evolving presence of my PCOS diagnosis.
I carried this frustration and resentment for my body with me for many years. (I still have moments of it to this day if we are being honest). However it was this frustration that led me to seeking help.
Being able to put a name to why I was heavier than most of my peers was helpful for a while. I did what I was told for many years. Take the pills, change to whole wheat, and try to lose some of that weight.
This game plan was still leading me down the frustration alley. I knew there was more to this PCOS than just take these pills and losing some weight. Though my old physician was on to something...making food changes, though I learned later that this specific change needed to be something more.
While you may believe we are going to dive into food and PCOS...I am here to talk more about resentment and frustration. They can be either a sword we continue to use on ourselves...trying to force ourselves into a box and make it work or we have an opportunity to listen to it and create a path towards feeling more satisfied in life.
You have got to sit with it...the frustration and resentment. I talk more about what that looks like here:
When we do those things in the video, you will begin to notice doors opening. The people, the resources, the opportunities, they begin to show up.
Does this sound crazy? Maybe...maybe not. What I do know is that it does work!
Instead of being mad that I cannot eat like my peers, I found a way to eat that both serves me and that I enjoy. Instead of wishing I could wear that outfit, I have found a style that makes me feel comfortable and is fun. Instead of being upset about my body figure, I have found ways to see it as an asset.
Now this is just the beginning. We have more to this journey...click on this next blog to keep see how this journey works out in our favor.
If you have decided to utilize your frustration and resentment with food to your greater good, the Thriving with PCOS community is a great resource for you, if you so choose. We are walking through the journey I took in discovering the specific changes that were necessary for me to begin to see my way past food and body frustration and resentment.
Wishing you peace in your frustration and resentment,
Terra
It happened again...you broke down crying. Hard! This is all my fault, you think to yourself.
You continue to degrade yourself over your condition...it goes on for an hour or more.
“I let myself get this way. If I could only lose the weight, I could...get pregnant...feel better...find a partner...feel good about myself.”
“My hair is falling out and my face is breaking out...ugh! Why is there hair growing on my face?! I am so fluffy...I will just be fat forever!”
We all say these things to ourselves, but we would never say them to our best friends.
We beat ourselves up over a condition that our doctors may not even fully understand, much less ourselves.
Your right...Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is tough! It is not fair!
Damn straight it is not, but why is that your fault? Why do you say those mean things to yourself? IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Ladies, it is time to stop shaming ourselves over this condition!
Would you believe me if I told you that PCOS is a condition that once upon a time, served women?
I am willing to bet this is a hard one for you to believe, but there are some researchers out there that believe this is the case. However, our modern world makes it harder for us cysters to receive the benefits of this condition.
While I will skip this lesson for now...know this is not your fault.
So let’s address perspective for a bit...This is a bit about my story and my outlook.
Hopefully it will help you change your mindset, your perspective, and find the light in what may feel like darkness.
Ladies...you are so worthy of good health, feeling good in your body, and love! The way the world functions today is not in your control.
What is in your control? Speaking life over yourself! Learn about your condition. (There are many drivers to PCOS.) Understand that there are some many tools out there for you to use. Getting with your doctor and asking questions to come up with a plan that you both feel good about. (That may also include finding a doctor who is willing to work with you as well.)
If you are in need of a community to help you better understand your condition as well as ladies to support you...this community, Thriving with PCOS, is here to serve you. Come join us!
You are worthy,
Terra
