I was drawn into a room with someone who I thought was being a friend. I was feeling lonely and left out more than ever during the 6th grade campout. She appeared to be really trying to help me. There were lots of questions that transitioned into what seemed like her helping me come up with solutions to my issue.
However I was mistaken. Come to find out that as I was baring my soul out to this person, as well as all of the females in the 6th grade class. They were hiding in different places and listening to the whole conversation. She was in on it.
When the conversation had come to an end, I was stunned to see the girls pop out of their hiding spots. They all said, “Terra, we like you,” as they giggled and ran out of the room.
I was not only mortified, I was hurt. Not only had people gone through my things, exposed the film in my camera, and put toothpaste in my pillow, but they also got to laugh at me at my expense.
This was the nail on the coffin when it came to trusting anyone outside of my immediate family.
It was also the deeper spiral to feeling more alone than ever! Being surrounded by people yet never quite feeling like I belong.
This day, among others that year, truly defined for me that among 60ish students, no one was interested in including me, people were laughing at me, and I was never good enough.
It carried on with me into my adult life as well.
Feeling like I was just a pulse in the room rather than a person worthy of honest relationships or respect. No matter how much good I did, or care and support I would provide, others were more reputable.
It is this feeling that creates a lot of stress for me in my life. The isolation in the crowd. Feeling unseen, unessential, and unlikeable.
It is easy to tell someone to get over these moments in their life. They were young girls, they had no idea what they were doing. However, it is much like the tube of toothpaste or wadded up paper activities you see being done in school these days. People can try and smooth it over, but the impact or damage is done.
What I had control over in all of this was how I handled it. To be honest, I did not handle it well. I tried burying it pretending it did not hurt me.
Since I chose to bury this pain, I unknowingly allowed that day to affect the way I viewed people and responding to things in life.
At 43, I am still healing from this pain I pushed down so deep. Not only mentally, but physically as well. This is what happens when you do not allow yourself to feel and process the things that happen to us.
If this is resonating with you, I wrote more about the effects of this day on friendships and relationships I had over the years and the journey to trusting others again. My story is featured in the book The Truth About Finding Joy In The Darkness. This story is just one of 19 in this book collaboration. Many of these stories echo various pain points that you may relate to as well. Stories that show us all that while we have dark and painful moments in our life, it is how we utilize them to overcome them that can bring us out into the light.
Hoping you can work through your dark times to find the joy you deserve,
“I get it, I know it is hard. I have kids too,” says a coach I used to work with. While I feel like he meant well, he clearly does not get it. We are not the same.
I am the wife and he has a wife. Who is picking up the kids...usually her. Who has to make dinner...most likely her. Who is making sure the kids get to where they need to go (with his help or with other help is possible)...her.
To that I wish I would have said, really, do you? When you change a schedule, do you relate with my struggle to figure out what to do with your kids...nope. When you change the schedule, do you have to go pick up your kids, feed them, and entertain them while you are at work...nope.
The landscape has been changing for a while. The more families require two incomes to survive, the more responsibility that goes on the wife.
Society still puts out the expectation that we cook, clean, and care for the kids/home.
So we get the privilege to provide an income and care for the household. Two full time jobs. No wonder more and more women are struggling and becoming burnt out.
Not just burnout on our day jobs, but in being the wife and mother as well.
Wishing we could be that mom that stays at home, but knowing deep down inside we enjoy being more than just a mom.
What is a career-mom to do?
For me, the place that I started was decluttering my time.
What does that look like? This video dives deeper into the subject of what decluttering your time:
You will have to determine what the best way to declutter your time is.
While what I do is imperfect, it does help. Some days flow better than others. Though for the most part, it allows me a bit of freedom to enjoy a movie with the family...I mean actually watching the movie not multitasking, there is a difference.
So how will you declutter your time?
If you like what you are reading, I have a guide for you to introduce you to a framework that has helped me in reassessing what had me upset with so many areas of my life. It just may be of a benefit to you too!
Looking forward to seeing you live your life by your design!
I talk about living a life of balance, when in fact, my life was not in this place either. I believed in this so much that I even went through great links to become a certified coach to help others.
I finally did it and I did it scared. I ripped off the security blanket that was keeping me safe but unbalanced nonetheless. No wonder my hormones were always unbalanced in a major way. Which is not good for someone working so hard to balance them.
I really thought if I worked on balancing all but one area, I would be alright. Though it was bringing on resentment and frustration for me.
What I did not realize is that to change my life (and my health) I really needed to change my life. If my goal was to inspire others to live a life that fulfilled them, I needed to do the same thing. Inspire by living what you teach.
So how was this done? By dreaming again. Breaking down my dreams into goals. Creating action that makes my goals happen and gets me closer to making that dream a reality.
Does that sound like a fairytale?
I am sure it does, but it does not have to be!
One place to start is to look at it from the view of priorities. We have so many of them. I talk more about priorities and how to simplify them here in this video:
For me, this was the part I was getting conflicted on. I had so many priorities, and I was showing up poorly.
I was resenting my day job because the schedule was ever changing. I resented being a mom (which I wanted to be all of my life) because I needed to make sure he was cared for while I was at work. I never felt like I was doing anything well.
When life gave us a new opportunity, I began doing the normal job search in the traditional setting for my profession.
It was a video that talked about giving up good for great that helped me realize that it was time. Time to work through my fear of losing security.
I came up with the action steps to see if we could live a secure life without throwing life back off balance. We discussed it as a family, it appeared to look like we could pull this off.
I made the steps so clear and created accountability around them, that when I was presented with an opportunity in a non-traditional setting for my profession, I cried. I felt conflicted again.
Luckily, my accountability sources reminded me we would be okay and gave me the blessing I needed from an outside source to create the life of balance I always dreamt of.
If I would have had goals with no clear actions, I would have been on a random road. Nothing to aim for. I would have taken that job. I would have returned to the resentment, it just would have looked different.
So I encourage you, if you are unhappy with where you are at, take a moment to dream. See where that leads you.
It is time to dream again and start living life by your design!
When you are ready to turn those dreams into action, there is a framework out there to help you get there. It comes with an amazing community and support from me and many others.
Looking forward to seeing live by your design,
When I was a little girl, what I dreamed of for my life was not where I am at. I believe many of us would agree with that feeling.
I mean, no one dreams of having a chronic medical condition that affects your fertility as well as your overall health. No one dreams of day jobs that are crazy and have no boundaries. No one dreams of being alone or having poor relationships with others.
So what did I dream about exactly?
I dreamed about making a difference in people’s lives. Helping them get to that place of ah ha and action. Giving them the tools for success and seeing them flourish.
So when you desire to create such things for others, you must first create these things for yourself.
Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their path to the lifestyle they want, working with a coach is at the top of the list.
I came upon a program called Oola. It has helped me find clarity and action not only in my life, but the lives of more than a million people around the world.
What is Oola? It’s living a balanced life in our unbalanced world. With vibrant good health, equally healthy finances, family and friends who support you, fun times, and a career or calling that inspires you every day.
And now, I have followed through on that nudge to help people get their own OolaLife . . . whatever defines it for you.
Take a look at every area of your life. Ask yourself, “Where can I improve? Where do I need to calm the overwhelm?”
Overwhelming debt, marriages on life support, time sucks that leave no room for family, friends, or fun....these are what our modern-day culture has brought us to. And it all adds up to over-scheduled and overworked lives that are out of balance.
All of which equates to stress, and no PCOS woman (or anyone for that matter) needs more stress triggers in their life!
Luckily, there’s a solution.
This 7-step formula, based on the bestselling book series, Oola: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World, is one I use because it is designed to quickly lower stress and make space for a life of purpose, success and satisfaction in these areas: fitness, finances, family, field (career) , faith, friends and fun.
Achieving a life of contentment, vibrant good health, ample finances, and supportive relationships is what I endeavor to help women create in their life. If this sounds like something you are ready to create for yourself, then grab my guide to determine if Oola is the right path for you.
As the Oola Guys say, “Be Grateful, Have Faith, and Go Get Your Oola Life!”
There is a season for all things...including stress!
I am not a fan of it any more than many of you. Unfortunately every school year starts the same for me. Especially this year.
I freak out, yell, snap at people, stare at a computer screen all day, and then by the end of the day, I am confused as to if I actually completed my task.
Sound familiar? Or maybe this is just me.
As a PCOS woman, it is critical that I manage my stress effectively. If I do not, the consequences are increased cortisol levels which leads to that unwanted extra weight.
There are other stressors that women with PCOS should be on the lookout...more details are in the video below.
However, my endeavor today is to give you some ideas to manage your stress when the pressure is on and you have a lot to accomplish. So here are a few things that I utilize this time of year that I believe will help serve you too.
Take small breaks: 5 minutes, that is it. Walk away from the computer, stay off your phone. Just get up, walk down the hallway and back or take a quick stroll outside. Just 5 minutes can really help clear the mind. Set a timer on your phone if you need to. I try to do this once an hour or every other hour.
Ask for help: there is seriously nothing wrong with asking for help. I struggle with this one too, so I hear you on this. Find someone that can do some of the things you really do not want to do. You could even hire that work out. That $20 (or more depending on the task) may be the best money you ever spent!
Breath: Yes...we already do this daily...thanks smarty pants out there...what I mean is take a moment, close your eyes, take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. Repeat this a few times as needed before getting back after it. When we take a moment to get in some good oxygen, our brain can focus more on your current task.
Lastly, Dim the lights and close the door: Some people feel this is a bit strange, but stay with me for a second. When you dim the lights, you will focus on what is right in front of you. The squirrels in your mind will not notice your surroundings as much, so if you can pull this off, it is a great tool. Also closing your door mostly is a signal that you are focusing on something. You are less likely to get interrupted or at least people are more thoughtful of interrupting you (usually) when you door is even just partly closed.
Give some of these a try and let me know how effective they were for you. Also feel free to share what some of your favorite stress management tricks are.
When we have better management of our stressors, we not only thrive, but we soar!
Here is to soaring,