I was drawn into a room with someone who I thought was being a friend. I was feeling lonely and left out more than ever during the 6th grade campout. She appeared to be really trying to help me. There were lots of questions that transitioned into what seemed like her helping me come up with solutions to my issue.
However I was mistaken. Come to find out that as I was baring my soul out to this person, as well as all of the females in the 6th grade class. They were hiding in different places and listening to the whole conversation. She was in on it.
When the conversation had come to an end, I was stunned to see the girls pop out of their hiding spots. They all said, “Terra, we like you,” as they giggled and ran out of the room.
I was not only mortified, I was hurt. Not only had people gone through my things, exposed the film in my camera, and put toothpaste in my pillow, but they also got to laugh at me at my expense.
This was the nail on the coffin when it came to trusting anyone outside of my immediate family.
It was also the deeper spiral to feeling more alone than ever! Being surrounded by people yet never quite feeling like I belong.
This day, among others that year, truly defined for me that among 60ish students, no one was interested in including me, people were laughing at me, and I was never good enough.
It carried on with me into my adult life as well.
Feeling like I was just a pulse in the room rather than a person worthy of honest relationships or respect. No matter how much good I did, or care and support I would provide, others were more reputable.
It is this feeling that creates a lot of stress for me in my life. The isolation in the crowd. Feeling unseen, unessential, and unlikeable.
It is easy to tell someone to get over these moments in their life. They were young girls, they had no idea what they were doing. However, it is much like the tube of toothpaste or wadded up paper activities you see being done in school these days. People can try and smooth it over, but the impact or damage is done.
What I had control over in all of this was how I handled it. To be honest, I did not handle it well. I tried burying it pretending it did not hurt me.
Since I chose to bury this pain, I unknowingly allowed that day to affect the way I viewed people and responding to things in life.
At 43, I am still healing from this pain I pushed down so deep. Not only mentally, but physically as well. This is what happens when you do not allow yourself to feel and process the things that happen to us.
If this is resonating with you, I wrote more about the effects of this day on friendships and relationships I had over the years and the journey to trusting others again. My story is featured in the book The Truth About Finding Joy In The Darkness. This story is just one of 19 in this book collaboration. Many of these stories echo various pain points that you may relate to as well. Stories that show us all that while we have dark and painful moments in our life, it is how we utilize them to overcome them that can bring us out into the light.
Hoping you can work through your dark times to find the joy you deserve,
6th grade was a rough year for me. On top of many things, it was the first time I was called fat!
I had a friend talking about how she weighed 97 pounds. Just as luck would have it, so did I. Of course, I thought it was cool that we both weighed the same. I naturally chimed in saying “me too!”
I will never forget the gut punch that came over me when my “friend” told me that her 97 pounds is “all muscle, and your’s is all fat.” This was the beginning of my frustration with my body and resentment with why I could not look like everyone else.
By the way...I did not realize that I was “fat” back then, but this comment helped set the wheels in motion to my love/hate relationship with food and my body.
Naturally this was not the only change with my body at that time, I also joined the womanhood so to speak. Thus began the slowly evolving presence of my PCOS diagnosis.
I carried this frustration and resentment for my body with me for many years. (I still have moments of it to this day if we are being honest). However it was this frustration that led me to seeking help.
Being able to put a name to why I was heavier than most of my peers was helpful for a while. I did what I was told for many years. Take the pills, change to whole wheat, and try to lose some of that weight.
This game plan was still leading me down the frustration alley. I knew there was more to this PCOS than just take these pills and losing some weight. Though my old physician was on to something...making food changes, though I learned later that this specific change needed to be something more.
While you may believe we are going to dive into food and PCOS...I am here to talk more about resentment and frustration. They can be either a sword we continue to use on ourselves...trying to force ourselves into a box and make it work or we have an opportunity to listen to it and create a path towards feeling more satisfied in life.
You have got to sit with it...the frustration and resentment. I talk more about what that looks like here:
When we do those things in the video, you will begin to notice doors opening. The people, the resources, the opportunities, they begin to show up.
Does this sound crazy? Maybe...maybe not. What I do know is that it does work!
Instead of being mad that I cannot eat like my peers, I found a way to eat that both serves me and that I enjoy. Instead of wishing I could wear that outfit, I have found a style that makes me feel comfortable and is fun. Instead of being upset about my body figure, I have found ways to see it as an asset.
Now this is just the beginning. We have more to this journey...click on this next blog to keep see how this journey works out in our favor.
If you have decided to utilize your frustration and resentment with food to your greater good, the Thriving with PCOS community is a great resource for you, if you so choose. We are walking through the journey I took in discovering the specific changes that were necessary for me to begin to see my way past food and body frustration and resentment.
Wishing you peace in your frustration and resentment,
It was a long day at work. It was stressful. You snapped at a few of your co-workers! You are replaying it all on your mind on your drive home.
Then on top of that you come home with even more of a workload of tasks to complete. Why do we need to eat!...lol
You are finally ready to lay down, but your mind is racing. So you turn on the TV to hopefully fall asleep and forget about your day.
Instead, you find yourself just staring at it blankly. Sleep does not come to you until 1am and you have to be up and at ‘em by 7am...ekks!
This is the story, or close to it every night. All you want to do is get a good night's rest and yet you seem to be missing out on it.
You either cannot get to sleep or stay asleep. Either way you are feeling fatigued and lethargic throughout the day.
This HAS to STOP!!
I agree with you...it does! Have you considered creating a sleep routine?
I promise you it is not just for children.
Creating a routine before bed helps you unwind and close out the day. Once you are relaxed and ready for bed, it will make it so much easier to drift off to dreamland.
There are many studies out that have found the importance of a sleep routine in children. They show improvement in their overall mood.
Remember those outbursts you had with your co-workers...yep a sleep routine may help keep those stressors in check!
In this day in age, we all could use a little support with our mental and emotional responses. No one needs built up stress and anxiety before we go to bed.
So what does a bedtime routine look like? It can really be what you make of it. Just doing the things to get ready for bed anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour.
I personally take an hour for my routine.
In my routine is gratitude journaling. More on that in the video below...
Try to keep to the same time every night. Though some of us may have a job where some evenings that just does not happen. That is okay! Your body will respond to your routine once it recognizes the established pattern.
No matter when you establish your routine for or what your routine looks like...make it suit you and your needs to relax and unwind at night. What is in the routine is not as important as just establishing one.
If you found this of value, and you are looking for more steps to create better sleep, then I have a course that may be of more service to you. Creating Better Sleep has such an impact on so much on our day to day. Whether you are talking about health, emotions, having more energy or focus.
No matter what you choose, creating a bedtime routine is one of the core pieces to help you get the good night’s sleep you are dreaming of.
When I was a little girl, what I dreamed of for my life was not where I am at. I believe many of us would agree with that feeling.
I mean, no one dreams of having a chronic medical condition that affects your fertility as well as your overall health. No one dreams of day jobs that are crazy and have no boundaries. No one dreams of being alone or having poor relationships with others.
So what did I dream about exactly?
I dreamed about making a difference in people’s lives. Helping them get to that place of ah ha and action. Giving them the tools for success and seeing them flourish.
So when you desire to create such things for others, you must first create these things for yourself.
Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their path to the lifestyle they want, working with a coach is at the top of the list.
I came upon a program called Oola. It has helped me find clarity and action not only in my life, but the lives of more than a million people around the world.
What is Oola? It’s living a balanced life in our unbalanced world. With vibrant good health, equally healthy finances, family and friends who support you, fun times, and a career or calling that inspires you every day.
And now, I have followed through on that nudge to help people get their own OolaLife . . . whatever defines it for you.
Take a look at every area of your life. Ask yourself, “Where can I improve? Where do I need to calm the overwhelm?”
Overwhelming debt, marriages on life support, time sucks that leave no room for family, friends, or fun....these are what our modern-day culture has brought us to. And it all adds up to over-scheduled and overworked lives that are out of balance.
All of which equates to stress, and no PCOS woman (or anyone for that matter) needs more stress triggers in their life!
Luckily, there’s a solution.
This 7-step formula, based on the bestselling book series, Oola: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World, is one I use because it is designed to quickly lower stress and make space for a life of purpose, success and satisfaction in these areas: fitness, finances, family, field (career) , faith, friends and fun.
Achieving a life of contentment, vibrant good health, ample finances, and supportive relationships is what I endeavor to help women create in their life. If this sounds like something you are ready to create for yourself, then grab my guide to determine if Oola is the right path for you.
As the Oola Guys say, “Be Grateful, Have Faith, and Go Get Your Oola Life!”
There is a season for all things...including stress!
I am not a fan of it any more than many of you. Unfortunately every school year starts the same for me. Especially this year.
I freak out, yell, snap at people, stare at a computer screen all day, and then by the end of the day, I am confused as to if I actually completed my task.
Sound familiar? Or maybe this is just me.
As a PCOS woman, it is critical that I manage my stress effectively. If I do not, the consequences are increased cortisol levels which leads to that unwanted extra weight.
There are other stressors that women with PCOS should be on the lookout...more details are in the video below.
However, my endeavor today is to give you some ideas to manage your stress when the pressure is on and you have a lot to accomplish. So here are a few things that I utilize this time of year that I believe will help serve you too.
Take small breaks: 5 minutes, that is it. Walk away from the computer, stay off your phone. Just get up, walk down the hallway and back or take a quick stroll outside. Just 5 minutes can really help clear the mind. Set a timer on your phone if you need to. I try to do this once an hour or every other hour.
Ask for help: there is seriously nothing wrong with asking for help. I struggle with this one too, so I hear you on this. Find someone that can do some of the things you really do not want to do. You could even hire that work out. That $20 (or more depending on the task) may be the best money you ever spent!
Breath: Yes...we already do this daily...thanks smarty pants out there...what I mean is take a moment, close your eyes, take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. Repeat this a few times as needed before getting back after it. When we take a moment to get in some good oxygen, our brain can focus more on your current task.
Lastly, Dim the lights and close the door: Some people feel this is a bit strange, but stay with me for a second. When you dim the lights, you will focus on what is right in front of you. The squirrels in your mind will not notice your surroundings as much, so if you can pull this off, it is a great tool. Also closing your door mostly is a signal that you are focusing on something. You are less likely to get interrupted or at least people are more thoughtful of interrupting you (usually) when you door is even just partly closed.
Give some of these a try and let me know how effective they were for you. Also feel free to share what some of your favorite stress management tricks are.
When we have better management of our stressors, we not only thrive, but we soar!
Here is to soaring,